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the_starveling

Thin. Thinner. Thinnest.

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She said -

I know what it's like to be dead.
I know what it means to be sad.

And you're making me feel like I've never been
born.


***

Anorexia, Bulimia, and me - I am one of three. One-third of a trio. A triplet. Ten years now. You don't know them like I do, how deep they run. Outpatient services couldn't help me. My relationship with A & B frightened them. I had to go inpatient for a while. I often wonder if it helped at all. Because A & B are my foundation.

Take them away, and I will crumble.
Left a ruin at your feet, a life-size version of Jenga.

Game over.

***

My name is Hylarie.

I am a 23 year old anoretic and bulimic. Diagnosed at age 14. Also diagnosed with orthorexia, pica, exercise bulimia, chronic depression, severe OCD, and panic/anxiety disorder. This journal serves the purpose of documenting - with plenty of poetry - my attempt to recover, my inevitable relapses, and whatever remnants of a normal life I may have left in between.

NOTE: I DO NOT TAKE PRO-ED READERS.

Outside of my struggles, I'm a tree-hugging, plant-loving, animal activist and devout vegan with a penchant for words I'll probably never use in real conversation. I love to read, write, and go on dates with my Nikon into the wilderness.
across the universe, acting, animal rights, animals, anne sexton, anorexia, anorexia nervosa, art, autumn, bmi, body, body dysmorphic disorder, body fat, body image, body issues, books, bulimarexia, bulimia, bulimia nervosa, calories, christianity, classical music, control, crocheting, depression, dieting, diets, disordered eating, documentaries, drama, drawing, eating disorders, eating habits, ed, ednos, emaciation, empty, english, environment, exercise, extreme dieting, fall, fasting, fasts, feminist literature, fiona apple, fruit, gardening, god, going green, graphic designing, health food, herbal tea, hiking, history, holidays, horticulture, hunger, jane austen, jesus, jim sturgess, journalism, journals, karen carpenter, knitting, lauren greenfield, leaves, led zeppelin, literature, losing weight, love, meditation, metabolism, movies, music, music therapy, nature, newspapers, november, nutrition, obsession, organic, orthorexia, painting, peace, pens, people, perfection, photography, photojournalism, piano, pilates, poetry, purity, purple, raw foodism, reading, religion, restriction, richard avedon, running, scales, seasons, self-control, self-esteem, self-expressionism, self-perception, shakespeare, singing, skinny, skipping meals, smallville, starvation, stephen king, superman, swimming, sylvia plath, the beatles, theatre, thin, thinner, thinnest, thrift stores, tom welling, traveling, twiggy, ukulele, underweight, veganism, vegetables, vinyl records, virginia woolf, water, weight, weight issues, weight loss, will power, words, world cultures, writing, yoga

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